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joke

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Joke

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

For a Special Person

For the first time I felt
this true love in my heart
it is buried so deep
and that I would always keep

All through the darkest night
you are the brightest star in my sight
always been at my side
even in a grisly fright

You clothe me when I shiver
with your ever warm embrace
you are the moon that lights my way
that makes me feel very gay

You wipe the tears on my cheeks
the tears of joy that I have seek
and its you, my love, my divine
That makes me shine so bright

You are the sun in my sky
staring at me with all your might
guiding me with your ever shining light

For the first time in my life
I found my love and my life
without you I will cry
for you my love I will die!

The Ocean

Oceans have specs of sparkling dew arising from the depths of the sea floor.
Tremendous waves crash onto the beach repetitively as they are forced from behind

The sun radiates its glow over the surface of the water making it look calm and as flat as a stone bench.
Cliffs overlook the misty water as it collides with the walls.
The impact throws the water over the cliffs and onto the grassy hills.
The sparkle of the water levitating into the air making an aluminous glow over the horizon.

The luscious dew had a soul of its own releasing its amazing spirits in the air.
Day after day it repeats making it more beautiful as it continues.
Then all of a sudden half the sun drops under the earths surface and shimmers across the horizon as it peers into the night.

A Story

When the land stopped shaking, people started to come out of their shelters. A small girl, Mary ran out into the open rubble to find her cat. She didn’t care about anything else and hadn’t another thought in her head. No one had told her that the falling buildings that had surrounded her could’ve crushed her. There were boxes, trains derailed, and houses destroyed. Bodies were found underneath houses pulled up by diggers. Mary was petrified but she didn’t show it at all. She couldn’t find her cat anywhere and wouldn’t stop looking even with the look of her surroundings. Her cats name was Gunther. Mary's mother finally caught up with her. "Don't be silly," she exclaimed angrily. "Where did you think you were going?" Mary burst into tears. "Gunther's basket had been crushed and i can't find him anywhere," She shouted. " Henry's hamster is did, so is the puppy!" I want my cat! Wherever can he be?" She cried bitterly in her mother's arms. Suddenly from out of a little opening in a bush near by, surrounded by fallen houses, there was a pitiful miaowing sound. "Could it be Gunther? Could it be?"

Beggining of a story

I lived in a house, which was owned by my grandparents, which was surrounded by houses and had a school nearby. In my grandparents house with what felt like my uncle but was really my dad. To me he was no more than an uncle at such a young age. Twenty was a young age to have me. He knew the best thing to do for me was to let his parents take care of me. At least he stuck around and made an effort but my mother didn’t. He built his life up like blocks of Lego, finding a woman to spend the rest of his life with and living in a house for his children to grow up in.