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The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Joke

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

For a Special Person

For the first time I felt
this true love in my heart
it is buried so deep
and that I would always keep

All through the darkest night
you are the brightest star in my sight
always been at my side
even in a grisly fright

You clothe me when I shiver
with your ever warm embrace
you are the moon that lights my way
that makes me feel very gay

You wipe the tears on my cheeks
the tears of joy that I have seek
and its you, my love, my divine
That makes me shine so bright

You are the sun in my sky
staring at me with all your might
guiding me with your ever shining light

For the first time in my life
I found my love and my life
without you I will cry
for you my love I will die!

The Ocean

Oceans have specs of sparkling dew arising from the depths of the sea floor.
Tremendous waves crash onto the beach repetitively as they are forced from behind

The sun radiates its glow over the surface of the water making it look calm and as flat as a stone bench.
Cliffs overlook the misty water as it collides with the walls.
The impact throws the water over the cliffs and onto the grassy hills.
The sparkle of the water levitating into the air making an aluminous glow over the horizon.

The luscious dew had a soul of its own releasing its amazing spirits in the air.
Day after day it repeats making it more beautiful as it continues.
Then all of a sudden half the sun drops under the earths surface and shimmers across the horizon as it peers into the night.

A Story

When the land stopped shaking, people started to come out of their shelters. A small girl, Mary ran out into the open rubble to find her cat. She didn’t care about anything else and hadn’t another thought in her head. No one had told her that the falling buildings that had surrounded her could’ve crushed her. There were boxes, trains derailed, and houses destroyed. Bodies were found underneath houses pulled up by diggers. Mary was petrified but she didn’t show it at all. She couldn’t find her cat anywhere and wouldn’t stop looking even with the look of her surroundings. Her cats name was Gunther. Mary's mother finally caught up with her. "Don't be silly," she exclaimed angrily. "Where did you think you were going?" Mary burst into tears. "Gunther's basket had been crushed and i can't find him anywhere," She shouted. " Henry's hamster is did, so is the puppy!" I want my cat! Wherever can he be?" She cried bitterly in her mother's arms. Suddenly from out of a little opening in a bush near by, surrounded by fallen houses, there was a pitiful miaowing sound. "Could it be Gunther? Could it be?"

Beggining of a story

I lived in a house, which was owned by my grandparents, which was surrounded by houses and had a school nearby. In my grandparents house with what felt like my uncle but was really my dad. To me he was no more than an uncle at such a young age. Twenty was a young age to have me. He knew the best thing to do for me was to let his parents take care of me. At least he stuck around and made an effort but my mother didn’t. He built his life up like blocks of Lego, finding a woman to spend the rest of his life with and living in a house for his children to grow up in.

Billy T James

Comedian Billy T James (1948 -1991) or William Taitoko to his family had many contributions to make to New Zealand entertainment. He starred in his own TV show, performed on stage and even made a movie . He joined the Maori Volcanics in the 1970s and performed around the world. Going solo in Australia and then New Zealand saw him in great demand for his skits and impresions and his cabaret singing. He starred in The Billy T James Show and Radio Times on TV and the feature film Came A Hot Friday. He was New Zealand Entertainer of the Year in 1981 and Entertainer of the Decade in 1985.

Crystal Meth

Hello.
You may or may not know me.
I destroy homes.
I tear families apart,
I’ll take your children and that is just the start.
I’m more precious the diamonds, more valued then gold.
The sorrows I bring are a sight to behold.

If you need me I’m easily found
I’m all around you in every city and every town.
I live with the rich I live with the poor.
I live down the street even next door.

I’m made in a lab just not the kind you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
I can be made in the closet or in the woods.
If this doesn’t scare you to death it certainly should.
I have many names but one you’d know best
My name is Crystal meth.

My powers are awesome just try me and see.
Try me twice and your soul will belong to me.
Once I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie
You’ll do what it takes just to get high.
The crimes you’ll commit for the high and fame
Will be worth millions once I get in your veins.

You’ll lie to your mom and steal from you dad,
When you see their tears you won’t even be sad.
You’ll forget your morals and how you were raised,
Once I teach you my worthless ways.

I’ll take your friends, your control, your pride,
But I’ll always be with you right by your side.
You’ll give up your friends, your family, your home,
When you run out you’ll be all alone.
I’ll take and I’ll take till there’s nothing to give,
And when I’m through you’ll be lucky to live.

You can try me for fun but I’m no game.
Giving the chance I’ll drive you insane.
I’ll give you nightmares while you lie sweating in bed.
I’ll be the evil voices inside you head.

You shouldn’t have tried me how many times were you told?
But you challenged my powers how could you have been so bold?
You couldn’t say no, and just walked away.
If you could do it all over again what would you say?

I’ll be you master you’ll be my slave.
Don’t fear being lonely I’ll walk with you to your grave.
I’ll show you more pain then your deepest betrayal
So come take my hand as I lead you to HELL.

The pitch of the night

The truth burns

So they turn

Their faces away

From the sun

When small liberties

Began to fray

When their constitution

Was being chipped away

When their newspapers

Were shut down

When their rule of law

Was twisted around

When might became right

And their friends

Were carried off screaming

In the pitch of the night

They chose ignorance

Feigned blindness

Pleaded ignorance

And now when the shadow of the jackboot hangs

Ominous over their beloved land

They walk as zombies

Unable to distinguish right from

Wrong from right

Their minds furred with lichens

Like the dark side of trees

The truth burns

So they turn

Their faces away

From the sun

Tomorrow, When The War Began

Ellie Linton goes out camping in the bush for a week with her friends Homer Yannos, Lee Takkampurazhat, Kevin Holmes, Corrie Mackenzie, Robyn Mathers and Fiona Maxwell. They find a way into a large, vegetated sinkhole in a remote area of bush the locals have dubbed "Hell", and camp there for the week. During this time they see large numbers of planes flying through the night without lights, and though it is mentioned in conversation the following morning, they think little of it.

When they return to their hometown of Wirrawee, they find that all the people are missing and their pets and livestock are dead and dying. Fearing the worst, they break into three groups to investigate Wirrawee's situation. They confirm that Australia (or at least, Wirrawee) has been invaded and local citizens are being held captive by a hostile foreign force. Ellie's group is discovered and, in order to escape, create an improvised explosive using the fuel tank of a ride-on lawnmower in a backyard as a bomb. However, returning to the nearby meeting point, they discover Robyn and Lee missing. Homer and Ellie search for them and they are met by Robyn, and they discover that Lee has been shot in the leg and hiding out in the main street of Wirrawee, the centre of the enemies activity. Ellie and Homer confer with the others and Ellie decides that they should attempt to rescue Lee in a large earth-moving bobcat. After a rough truck chase that sees several soldiers run over Lee is successfully rescued and returned to the safety of Hell. Ellie and Lee get together and form a romantic relationship after a dream that Ellie has, and Fi and Homer also get involved in a romantic relationship. Ellie finds them to be an unlikely couple, and is a bit jealous at first, but towards the end accepts the fact that she has Lee and Fi has Homer. Of course Kevin and Corrie have been in a romantic relationship for a few months before the invasion.

They decide to raid nearby farmhouses, searching for food and other supplies, and then retreat to Hell to establish a base camp for them. On the way they discover their friend, Chris Lang, hiding in his home, and decides to join Ellie's group. The group decides to wage a guerrilla war against the invaders and Ellie, Fi, and Homer steal a petrol tanker, and blow it up under a bridge successfully blowing up the bridge that provided the easiest way into Wirrawee (the detour was very slow and complicated). While this is happening Corrie is shot in the back while finding food with Kevin, and Kevin sacrifices his freedom to drive her to an occupied hospital for medical assistance.

Lee and Ellie are still together at the end of the book, as are Homer and Fi.